Friday, July 2, 2010

No sleep for me

There is nooo way I'm sleeping. I actually bled some and it's freaking me out. My ultrasound is in like 3 or 4 hours. Everyone tells me I overdo it. Like, I moved the bed, went walking twice, a mile or so each time, and of course had crazy sex,like I always do. But I guess my body is telling me to take it easy. The same thing happened to my mommy, who was amazingly insightful about everything. I miss her, and I miss home. Justin's mom is great but it's not the same at all.
At the end of the day, her daughter is her favorite, which she should be, but even over Justin I think. I know she loves him, but his family has always favored the other two kids, and even their daughter's boyfriend, which I can't fathom why. Justina and I are loved, we're just the more mature ones, the not babied ones, the ones that are fine on our own, the ones that take care of shit last cuz we're FINE, well leaving us in KY proves we're not FINE on our own. Not right now.
Everybody needs help, and though I dread taking help, I'm glad we have this time to save. People here stress me out, though, and that can't be good for my pregnancy, though the chick I live with is always stressed and her baby is about to come into the world just fine. It's a lot better than my parents, just because they're very stressful, but I feel as if my anxiety problem will cause me to be stressed wherever I go. Which is why I wanna see a psychiatrist, but everyone here is so pregidous against them. They are like, "You're fine"... well I'm not FINE. I fucking hate that word. I'm unbelievably stressed, and I think seeing a doctor would help some, especially since I'm insured.
Anyway, I'm completely rambling... completely!!! lol. But I pray that the ultrasound turns out good, and hoping I can chill once I have it! you all, more tomorrow ;)

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